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Pornography

There are these images
I see in my mind
There is a Labyrinth
made of roses, but nothing to find.

My head is spinning,
My body Aching after last night.
I feel so dirty, so wrong,
Nothing seems right.

The bed is spinning and it's too hot
It was because I am upset
about everything I'm not.

Perfect. Open Minded. Happy.
Thats not me.
There are so many things
I cannot be.

I'm just a girl
Who had a pill and a drink
After self-pity and loneliness
Made my head unclear to think.

After a few hours
The sun will start to rise
And I will begin working
On my disguise

To cover the tears I unwillingly cried
To cover the part of me
that secretly died.

A dagger was thrust
right into the center of my heart.
And it keeps twisting around and around
As if it never wants to part.

I can be beautiful
And perfect
In every way
But I will never be able to keep up
To the desires you have every day

How do I fit in
How can I possibly compare
To the girls you look at
in pornography
When I'm not there

How can I ever feel worthy
What can I possibly do
To be the one who can
Fulfill every part of you.

~Danel Oertel








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